its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
