I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
