this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
