At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
