remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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