I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
