no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
