I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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