dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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