For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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