can we get nightvision for the apartment?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
