I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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