my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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