three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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