Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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