i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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