Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
