They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
