This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
