Having a random hookup so left but love u
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
