he thought i was a dude.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
