just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
