I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
