My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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