At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
