She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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