We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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