woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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