So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
