I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
