The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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