Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
