I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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