My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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