Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
