Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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