Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
