I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
