you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
