Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
