So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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