i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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