I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
