I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were trust falling into bushes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
