What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
