Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize