So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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