I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
