If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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