my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My life is pants optional.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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