FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Two words: blizzard sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
