So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
