my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sober January is a disaster.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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