So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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