Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
