Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize