are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
