yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think i got beer on your cat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
