I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
pop tarts are not kleenex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
