isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
