rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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