We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
