That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you traded sex for a burrito?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
