i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
