Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
