before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
