I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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