the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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